Killian Jones: Scoundrel
by notdoingmyhomework
Summary: "Oh it had been serendipitous indeed to encounter such an inebriated fairy bereft of her lord on a dark and stormy night." This has nothing to with the canon of OUAT. How Hook helped Tink get to Neverland and have his own encounter with a magical and mysterious woman.
1. Chapter 1

Killian Jones entered his captain's cabin of the Jolly Roger and quickly shut the door behind him to block out the noise of the carousing pirates he had just left in the galley. After the obligatory toast of ale in honor of the successful outcome of their minor skirmish against the Lost Ones, he had retreated quickly and quietly to the solitude of his cabin. The captain leaned his head back against the door and inhaled deeply of the salty ocean air wafting in from his open stern windows.

He could hear singing coming from the galley now. The corners of his mouth twitched in amusement, "Yo ho a pirate's life indeed." They were good enough men the lot of them, but their captain could only muster the patience to handle them en masse in small doses. Making his way now to his desk he looked down at the scattered maps and charts as he clumsily undid the buttons of his thick coat with his right hand. With his hook he pushed aside papers catching the glow from a nearby candle causing it to cast a light momentarily across his vision. Hook, the men called him now. Killian sometimes missed his hand and all that two hands could accomplish, but he would never begrudge the hook. It was his constant reminder of the vengeance he sought against THE Crocodile.

Throwing the now discarded coat across the foot of his bed he turned back the desk and pulled the cork out of his hip flask. Drinking deep of the rum, Killian moved the liquid across his tongue, feeling it burn so sweetly down the back of his throat when he finally swallowed the amber fluid. Directing his eyes back towards the desk he mentally went over everything they had discovered since following the trail to Neverland a fortnight ago.

Oh it had been serendipitous indeed to encounter such an inebriated fairy bereft of her lord on a dark and stormy night. Hook smiled at the recollection of the scene at the pub those few weeks ago.

_The crew entered into the near empty pub loudly, shaking the rain from their heads._

_"Captain sir!" A sheepish, balding little man with smudged, round spectacles scurried from behind the bar towards the visitors._

_"Oh captain sir, am I ever so glad to see you this evening!"_

_"Aye, a jigger of your finest whisky man, for tonight we celebrate!"_

_Cheers erupted from the pirates surrounding him, "Aye! Argh!"_

_Wringing his hands together in his apron, the barkeep grinned up at the captain, "Yes! Yes of course sir! And I would be most agreeable to providing that to you with my compliments if you would but help rid me of a tempestuous tiny trollop that plagues me, my fine sir."_

_Smee scratched at his red stocking cap and asked, "What's a temp-est troll?" _

_Killian turned his head to frown at the confused look on Smee's face, "Explain to me why I made you me first-mate?" Smee cocked his head to the side and seemed to be wrestling with a thought. "Don't strain yourself sailor," the captain interjected cutting off what would have been a marvelous display of intelligence, "just take the men to a table and get them settled. Yes?"_

_Killian turned back to the mousy man as heard the crew march towards the back of the establishment. "A trollop you say? I might fancy one of those this evening." Killian's lips curved into a grin, "Come now man, you will keep my thirst satisfied while I tend to the needs of your lady."_

_"Oh no sir! Do you see the wee flash of green at the end of the bar? Don't stare! That'll be the lady TInkerbelle" Killian looked back to bar-keep with wide eyes, "Yes, that Tinkerbelle. She claims some magical storm cloud carried her off course on her way back to Neverland from some place called London." The mouse of a man rolled his eyes, "It's all a load of rubbish but she's been here two days straight now sir, only coming up for air from her wee glass of spirits to offer __services__ to the patrons. Services sir! She's no bigger than my wee finger," thrusting his pinky finger up into Killian's face, "I don't rightly know what kind of service she can perform being that size sir, but I am a gentleman and don't want her scaring any folks off who is looking to stop in to my establishment for a bit of respite."_

_The man's face was red and sweaty and it was quite off-putting to the captain, "I will go handle the lady if you will take drinks to my crew." Killian watched as the little man whose name he never bothered to know, bounded off, "And don't forget about my drink either fool."_

_Turning towards the bar, he walked past the empty stools and stopped at the end to look at the tiny tempest. Her normal green glow, was almost yellow but it indeed was her, THE Tinkerbelle, currently laying unceremoniously across a half-empty shot glass._

_"Now love, lean back off that or you will fall in bosom first."_

_Tinkerbelle propped her head up and opened one bleary eye before coming to rest on the shades of black high above her. He watched as her eyes attempted to focus on his face, her face leaning so far back to take in his height that she fell backwards and landed flat on her backside with a tiny thump._

_"Captain Hook…is that you?" she cautiously stammered._

_"Aye Miss Belle. I hear you ran into a spot of trouble, tell Captain Hook everything and you will feel all better." The captain roguishly smiled at her to portray his innocent interest in her plight. _

_"Oh Hook [hiccup] we, I mean Peter and I were in England listening to a story and [hiccup] his shadow came to find him and it was awful!" She lowered a cupped hand into the shot glass and brought it to her mouth, drinking the liquor then wiping her hand down the thigh of her green dress. "The shadow brought urgent news that Rumple [hiccup] Rumplestiltskin had come to Neverland and had declared war on the Lost Boys! "She sobbed into her hands, her fairy wings drooping low._

_"The crocodile is in Neverland now!" Thought Killian, joy sweeping across his face. Everytime he had tracked the Dark One, Killian would have just missed him. If Killian was in the Enchanted Forest, the crocodile would have just left for Wonderland, the Land of the Giant's, or some other remote name on a map the captain could never reach in time to catch him. But this…this was his chance._

_"We raced back, but Peter was flying too [hiccup] too fast and then that storm came and my wings hurt and I [hiccup] couldn't keep up." She wiped a few stray tears across her swollen face, "and then I was here and I can't find the second star Hook! I can't find my way home." She sniffled before leaning back into the glass to drown her sorrows._

_"You are in luck my dear, I happen to have a magic bean and sudden desire to be in Neverland myself." Smiling down at her as she peered up at him expectantly, "If you would care to join me that is, my lady," finishing with a wink of his eye._

_"So you would [hiccup] take me with you?" Her wings lifted and began to flutter before going completely still, "Surely you must wish something of me in return. [Hiccup] Do you want me to butter your barnacles, fish for your flounder, turn your tide? This guy yesterday had me flap my wings between his…"_

_Holding up his good hand to cut her off, "Nothing untoward will be necessary. It will be my humble honor to convey you home love." He flashed her his most charming smile and hid a grin as she stubmled towards his hand resting on the bar._

_ Turning his head towards his crew in the corner, "Stow those drinks boys we shove off with the tide. We have a crocodile to hunt!" Cheers came from the men as chairs noisily were shoved back and the sound of their boots echoed across the wood floors._

_"If you are ready love, I will escort you to my cabins where you will be most comfortable," he held out his hand and she climbed in steadying her small frame against his thumb._

_"Perhaps you could carry me in your trouser pocket Captain? It might be safest in there." She looked up at him under shamelessly fluttering eyelashes._

_"Oh Miss Belle, you do know how to tickle a man's fancy." He mischievously replied, after all, he had wanted a trollop this evening. _

_"Captain I will tickle your fancy straight on til morning." She smiled as her mess of blonde hair disappeared below the top of his pants pocket and felt the tell-tale flutter of wings against his stiffening masthead. _


	2. Chapter 2

That strange, but altogether pleasant interlude with the tiny temptress had been two weeks ago. As soon as they arrived, Tinkerbelle had dashed out the window without so much as a fare thee well. The Captain had learned almost immediately that the crocodile had already left Neverland, but of course. Killian knew the Dark One enjoyed taunting him, dangling revenge in front of him like a tall glass of water to a man dying of thirst. Oh but the Captain was patient, and he would spend eternity lying in wait for the opportune moment to exact his revenge for Milah, and for his hand. These last two weeks had been spent trying to find a way out of this forsaken little spit of land and away from the heathen children that threatened him daily. Killian took another swallow of rum from his flask before putting the stopper back into place.

The sun had long since retreated beneath the horizon, and Killian tried to roll the stress from his shoulders.

"I rather think I am done with this day." He spoke to the air, turning away from his desk to make his way towards the bed, he saw something that caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

_Well, THAT surely wasn't on my bed a moment ago when I took off my coat._

The Captain took a hesitant step towards the bed and looked in the face of the person sleeping rather soundly underneath the covers. He looked back towards the desk, _I was only standing there a few minutes, and nobody came in. _His head snapped back towards the door, _still closed. _

A noise from his bed's occupant brought his attention back to _her. _She made a soft contented sigh and stretched bringing her hands up under her chin. He took stock of her as best he could from what he could see of her peeking out from under his thick black quilt. She had long, straight brown hair that was going everywhere and tanned skin, from what he could see of her face and her hands. Her nose was small and had a round pointed end, but her eyelashes were what really had his attention. They looked like thick black waves cresting on top of her cheeks. He needed to know the color of the eyes hiding behind those fans.

_Blimey, she could be a trap sent by Pan and I'm wondering about her bloody eyes. _

Killian sat back against the edge of his desk and crossed his arms across his chest, "Ahem."

The young woman furrowed her brows and kicked her feet bringing the quilt down far enough to expose her shoulders.

_Oh well now that's a lovely development, a naked intruder. _

"Ahem." He fake coughed again, "Yes darling that is directed at you, do be a dear and wake up now."

"Go away Brian, you douche bag." She whined before pulling the covers over her head.

_Brian? Douche bag?_

"I am neither Brian, nor a bag of douche. I am however, quite interested in who you are lass."

Fingers emerged and hesitantly tugged the blanket down so she could peek out.

_Sweet Mother of Magic those are the greenest eyes I've ever seen. _

"I have two questions for you." Panic showed in her eyes and she lowered the blanket. Licking her lips she replied shakily, "Okay."

"Who are you?" Killian's lips parted in a devilish smile, "And are you naked?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Who am I?!" She cried incredulously, "Who in God's name are you and where have you taken me?!" The visibly frightened woman clutched the blanket underneath her chin and crouched into the corner against the wall.

The captain raised his eyebrows in surprise at the accusation, "My lady, you are the one in my bed, on my ship." Standing up, he approached the bed and she tried to push herself farther into the corner. "Ordinarily, it takes little to no effort to get a woman into my bed, but this would be the first time one appeared by magic."

"There is no such thing as magic Mr. Leather Pants."

"You say that with such authority love. Care then to explain how you came to be in my bed?" He placed his hands on the edge of the bed and lowered his head to her level and spoke huskily, "And don't think I missed the fact that you've been appreciating my appearance since your eyes opened."

She began chewing on her bottom lip and Killian could see the blanket shaking because of her trembling hands.

"Look," Killian turned from and walked back towards his desk, "I'll sit down here and you talk." Pulling the chair out from under the desk, he sat down and pulled out his flask and took a quick swig. "I mean you no harm." A look of relief passed over her face, "Unless you mean me harm lass."

"No!" She exclaimed quickly, "I don't know who you are or where we are! I was in my bed and now I'm here." The woman was frantic, her bright green eyes were wide with worry. "Where's Brian?! And where's your hand?!"

Killian chuckled and he saw the woman's shoulders relax a little. "I lost it in a fight with a crocodile. A long story, not very interesting." He waved the hook dismissively, "What I'm interested in is who you are."

"Um, okay my name is Riley. And I don't have a clue how I got here or have anything with me." She gestured with her hands underneath the blanket causing it to balloon around her form.

"So you are naked then? Killian winked, "That's good to know love."

"Don't go there dude."

"Dude?"

"Seriously?" Riley asked losing patience quickly, "Who are you? And what's with your whole vibe?"

He stood from his chair and introduced himself, "I am Killian Jones, at your service." Bowing from the waist dramatically, "I am the captain of this vessel, and by vibe I believe you must be referring to my good looks and natural charms."

"Will you quit winking at me?! It makes me very un-"

"Very flustered? Very moist? Very-"

"Moist?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I may or may not have been kidnapped. It smells really bad in here, seriously you need some Febreeze or something. And you've got a hook for a hand like this is a fucking Disney sing-along!" Riley pounded her fists into the mattress.

"Well darling you can at least admit that I've got you flustered." Winking again, she huffed an irritated reply.


End file.
